Beauty of Korean guys

Thursday: Asked a group of non jacket wearing suits for a lighter. They invited me to play billiards and explained what the fuck was going on. There's a table with no pockets and only 4 balls on the table. Had been annoying me for a while.

Friday: Was out drinking with Henchman V3.0 when a Korean guy begins to talk to us. Could have gone awry when Hench was explaining that Korea is famous for Kimchi and men striking women in the street. The Korean guy accepted it as a discussion so it was all smooth.

When we went outside this Queen madame of hookers approached us. She told us we could all touch her tits for 180,000 won (90 GBP.) She was pretty old and witch like. Couldn't comprehend what was going on. Because she was so dirty and I'd been drinking for 11 hours I really wanted to fuck her. The Korean guy was too shy to ask how much outright. I badgered him for about 10 minutes. He explained that there were younger girls and all 3 of us will go. We explained we had no money. He explained that it was his treat.

What transpired would have been quite strange if I hadn't seen it in a Korean film before. We all went into a noraebang (singing room) together. The madame brought in beers and a bowl of fruit. Then 3 young girls came in and sat next to each of us. They held our hands. Fed us grapes like concubines, lit our cigarettes and sang songs for us. The married Korean guy was groping his on the outside and she was on his lap. Henchman had the on witht he best English so mainly talked to his. Mine put my whole pack of cigarettes in her mouth, made a strange noise and pretended to light the whole pack. On 3 separate occasions she tongued kissed me. That was the strangest part because I thoguht that wasn't possible. She kissed like a small, yappy dog. Later this girl disappeared. The old madame came in, sat next to me and placed my hands on her tits whilst rubbing my cock. I got a hard on and she squealed with delight. Telling the young gorls i had a big cock. I dont' really but compared to Asian men I obviously do.

All of them gave hand signals to each other because they wanted the Korean to buy more beer. After one hour they said "time's up" and walked off. No blow job or anything. Bizzarre.

No, I'm Alan Partridge!

My school temporarily moved me to a love motel. It's a place where young people -who invariably live with their parents until they marry- go to practice baby making. Extra-marital affairs also take place. This one is a classy affair. There are no mirrors on the ceiling, no red lights and there isn't a window allowing you to monitor people's peculiar toilet habits from the bedroom.

The room is cleaned daily. It's as if I have secret parents who are anal about hygiene. There's no down side to these parents because I never have to see them, look at their ageing faces or listen to their blithering ramblings.

Blah

Awake
...........I
.....think about
.....................you
....so try to sleep.
.............................Sleeping
............................I dream about you
.....so try to wake up

Dreaming's
.........worse
................cause
.........we're
.....together.

...............................Waking's
.........................worse
...............................cause
.........................you're
.....................not
................................there.

><

Narutain

.


....................................................................................ninja
.........................................melancholy.......................gusto......spirit
.....................................stompin.....chompin.............hinge..............
.......the.......................leaf ..................the............on...................
Naruto.....mountain....hoppin ......................things..count...................
........................Rock .....................................I.........................



><

##

Never alert a girl to her beauty until after she’s been muted with varieties of autodidactic, non-manual, tactical lip salutes.
Tease intoxicate as we force feed each other's life breath.
Reciprocate this hunger.
All linear relationships get shipped to the bin.
Maybe lovers only survive a thousand kisses as our lungs writhe in despair at a rival pair pushing tree fuel down its throat.
Gossiping lungs campaign for flagging chemicals
And all because of a couple of wagging tongues.



><

^^

I'm a sawn off walking stick
That finishes at your knee.
So you always twat my head
when I'm propping you up.
The rubber tip stops me from ouching.
Can't you buy me a helmet?


><

Mexican dreaming

I often dream about the Mexican girl. We are both terrified of being together. When we are around each other we feel so vulnerable, like inexperienced teenagers. The feelings we can't classify. Is it seduction that will lead to destruction or the elusive missing piece?

Dream: #001

Together we travel the roads of England. Away from the town centre where danger is rife with strife. It’s the handover time when day meets the night. Is it early evening or late evening? Neither of us has a watch to watch over. How can we verify that it’s the dream realm? The wind breathes on us strongly. It’s obvious that we are close to rough water. The wind has been snacking on sea creatures, creating halitosis. Arms wrapped around yourself. You wonder why anyone would want to live in England. This pleases me. Now it’s sunshine on the beach. Water is so deep that you feel apprehensive. I take your hand so that we wade into it together. For some reason we are laughing. Then we spot someone that we know. I feel embarrassed that I am being nice to you so I try to drown your head under the waves. Your face is so hurt when you come up. I can’t explain to you why I do it so I stare at where I think my feet are.

Dream: #002

Censored!

Dream: #003

You and Niyelli are speaking in Spanish inside a restaurant. I have a great urge to speak to you in your own language. I’m not jealous or angry that I am unable to. I go away for months to study Spanish. When I return we have a conversation in Spanish. No idea what we said.

Dream: #004

One man shouts “I am the people, I am the people.” The second person to join this is me but I can only do it in a black, American voice similar to James Brown. Soon everyone is united in this call. In the street is a giant harp which makes Indian noises. I play and soon a band joins me. Later I am looking for a prostitute. I want her to slice open my tattoos, then lick up the red water. Eventually I find one who will do it for 80,000 won. I desire it but I leave to find you. When I do you are beaming at me. We hug. Everything feels right and content.

Dream: #005

On the roof mf my building I’m thinking about my life in introspection. You appear by the side of me, giving this amazing perceptive and accurate speech about everything I was thinking about. When you finish I just look at you in awe because you are so smart.

Dream: #006

Walking through the corridors I hear your voice in the kitchen where I live so I move towards it. I’m surprised to see you there because it’s illegal to have friends over. You have a massive smile, wave me over saying “hey, hey.” Then you point at a sticker on a fridge. It has a normal man’s face but he has horns. Really excitedly you say “Press this and something amazing will happen.” I press it 4 times. Then I wake up because my phone is vibrating. I answer the phone and it’s you.

Dream: #007

You have straight hair. It looks really weird. Like half a monkey.

Dream: #008

You are with me but I’m a different person. My skin is tanned, I have black hair. Maybe I’m latino. I tell you that I want to visit a hooker and if you will wait downstairs for me. The hooker is wearing leather and has blonde hair. She laughs at me. I pay her money but say I don’t want to have sex with her. Is there anywhere I can go to sleep? In my mind I want you to think I have spent a really long time with the hooker to make you jealous. When I go into the sleeping room they lock the door and trap me.

Then me and you are walking down the street together. This time it’s my usually face and body. You’re worried about the first me who is still with the hooker. A limousine pulls up. The man is wearing a suit with sunglasses and looks really dodgy. He tells you that the first me is waiting for you and he’ll give you a ride. You start to go but I’m pulling you back, begging you not to go because I don’t trust them. I fall to my knees, you knock me down and go into the limousine.

I possess the memories from the first me and the normal me so I know something wrong is going to happen. I convince myself that they have kidnapped you. Their plan is to keep injecting you with free heroin until you are addicted. Then once you are desperate for it they will charge extortionate amounts. Unable to pay you will be forced to work for them as a hooker.

I form a gang to rescue you and we find where they are keeping you. All the people their have machine guns. My gang is unarmed so we have to run away. I phone your dad -who obviously being Mexican has lots of guns- an he flies over with some sketchy amigos. We break into rescue you. You are wearing a gimp outfit like from pulp fiction. You’re addicted to heroin but you hadn’t started selling your body yet.

80% of my problems are other people

I've got five problems in my life.
Four of them are women.

Number 1: The affair girl who moved to England.
My heart feels so clamped. I imagine it cowering behind my rib cage. Squeezed. Like a child too young to care for a pet squishing their hamster until the eyes are popping out. I look into my mind and I feel like i'd give up almost everything to be her, except my pride of moving to England with the possibility of her not coming to me. Too painful to write in depth about her.

Number 2: The Mexican girl.

Seduction that will lead to our mutual destruction. She hates white guys and I have no time for western girls. Our connection was so strong that we broke down those barriers. Both of us are the type of person who would proudly say something like, "It feels good to break the rules, even your own." I'm really drawn to her. When I get close I need to escape. Can't unleash these feelings.

We play games with each other. She says she's become addicted to me and wants to be my girlfriend. Our personalities are volatile. Get bored with things quickly. I believe we're both used to treating people in that way but are scared that the other will do it to us!

Her Spanish poems translated into English could make most people want to quit creativity.

Just today she sent me something on MSN. I thought it was some old world's mythology trying to explain things they couldn't comprehend. Turned out she was looking at a picture she had drawn and this is what she thought when she looked at it. Purely stream of consciousness.

ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
hey
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
this girl
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
found the sun hidding
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
behind a tree
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
she took a bite
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
and hate it the taste
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
so she grabbed it and took it home
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
to hide it. so the sun doesnt spread its funky taste
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
the sun bitched about the moon though
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
cause it was pretty mad that the moon was still standing
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
the girl didnt know there was a moon
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
clouds were conspiring with the moon to hid her
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
but the sun pointed where the moon was
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
she also bit the moon
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
but let her stand
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
she got madly upset with the sun. that was a bitchy way to behave.
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
she grounded it.
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
forever to be her personal flashlight
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
every now and then she takes a little bite from the sun again.. juts to make sure she wa right about the taste
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
and she should know.. she hates candy taste



Number 3: The Busan girl.

Her heart is so pure and kind. She goes to university but teachers water colour painting at a school. Her body is incredible. She's korean but she has breasts and back whilst being thin. She wants to go to art galleries in Seoul as well as cook me Korean food. I had a great time in the love motel with her. Perhaps she has this worrying Korean trait of falling in love really quicly. I only met her twice and she said "I really like you, maybe love you." "I just want to make you happy." In the club she was introducing me to people as her boyfriend.

Number 4: The couchsufing girl

Was looking on the website to make some new random friends. I liked her profile because she talked about having a photography exhibition at university. When we met for the first time it was a 7 hour meeting of pure talk. Felt so close and comfortable with her. She travelled to Europe alone, which is a bigger thing for a Korean to do than a westerner. She is funny, thought provoking. At first she wasn't attractive to me. Then we left one bar and she looked into my eyes and this smile came from nowehre that lit up her face. The more I talked to her she became better looking.

She interviewed me for her university project on couch surfing so I met her 4 days after the first time. Again we spent a long time together, 5 hours of talking. She drove me home on her scooter. Sometimes it felt as if she was my best friend! Weird feeling.

The next day she rang me when drunk.
"I know you don't want to talk on the phone but can I ask you something? will you be my boyfriend? Let's skip the getting to know each other really well and just do it."

I was impressed and equally taken aback. I had been thinking about the possibility with her but I have these 3 options now in Korea. I don't wanna accept someone, then cheta on them but equally I don't wanna give up the opportunities. 3 of them together become an amalgamation of what I want from a girlfriend.

Still, the affair girl affected me more than I had realised. If she was here I would go to her without hesitation.

The last 2 times i've been wankered (part 2)

Yesterday.

After street drinking we went to a Japanese restaurant to drink warm sake. From the ages 19-23 every birthday was ruined by some horrible cunt. Ever since those days I chose not to celebrate the day or alert people to its presence. It's normally just a non-event for me. I don't mope or feel sorry for myself. Treat it like valentine's day or Christmas. Over-hyped. Insignificant. Today I was feeling sorry for myself.

1) I'd failed to meet my goal of completing my book before my 25th birthday. Not by a huge margin. It's almost finished - without editing- although i'm struggling at the final fence.


2)

The girl I love has another. She tagged him her boyfriend but i'm penned as her lover.

That's what I wrote after she left for England a few weeks ago. The night after we said goodbye i fell asleep clutching my phone like it was a grenade. The last thing she messaged me was after 5 am. "miss you, sorry."

I e mailed her since she left and I don't know why but I said it would be great if she could e-mail me on my birthday. I guess I said it to guarantee some sort of reply. She struck me as the kind of girl who would try to shut me out because we couldn't be together.

There was no e-mail from her so that was my second reason for sorrow.

A korean and singapore guy waved us over, promising to buy us drinks. They kept ordering this korean alcohol that tastes like perfume. Then some sweet wine. The buzzer was alwaysbeing pressed for more. We overheard them arguing over who was going to pay the bill. "One drink, one drink." Then they surreptitiously grabbed their coats and went to pay the bill. I suspected they were gonna shift most of the bill on to us. One of them was some vice president of a sales company. Hardly a glowing reference for one of reputable character. Hardly possessing overly honest dispositions ourselves we decided to pre-empt their bill shirking responsibilities. My mate helped himself to an unopened bottle of wine as we departed.

As I said, they were sales people so obviously the first thing out of their mouths was. "I'm a vice president of a sales company." The predictable second will always be. "So, what do you do?"

'I'm a teacher.'
Singapore guy "Really, you don't look like a teacher?"
'Because I have piercings and tattoos?'
"No, because you look like a freak."

Later he was telling the girl we were with that he could make her a movie star via his media empire.

I thought about the Korean girl, my affair girl. I was walking to the bathroom which was in a different building. As my American mate pointed out by saying something similar to this. "You're one of those annoying people who can't walk to turn on the TV without having your headphones on." I was listening to sad songs that I used to hate but they have a special memory of my relationship with her. I wrote this:

Listenin to sad songs that I hate
They're soldered to your memory
The world zooms past
but it's just a breeze
I'm stood still, scratching my head

I got home, deliberated whether to check my E-mail. Saw that there was one. Turned out it was from my affair girl.

"I can't remember your birthday sorry!" as well as other things. I excitedly replied and she came on msn. She'd had a dream about me and decided to e-mail. It was the first one she had sent since she got to England.

We both said we were worried the other had forgotten. That we both still yearned. She told me to move to Sheffield to be with her. She would leave her boyfriend to come to me.

"I want to be with you.
In England or Korea, both are great.
I have to go to Nav."

Love sick by nujabes is a song we would listen to together. I only like one line in the entire song "Every process starts with a genesis and ends with a revelation" but I had to listen to it everyday at one point so it ended up being shared. I opened itup on you tube. After 10 seconds she asked me.
"Can you send me the love sick song?"

We are 5,000 miles apart. 8 hours time difference. Hadn't spoken to her for 3 weeks but she managed to dream about me on my birthday and then we both thought of the same song. How could I stay in Korea? I told her I would leave on the 23rd of October when I got paid. I was sobbing really viciously at this point. There was a mini puddle on the floor and all over my laptop mouse square. Wasn't cathartic in anyway. There was a Japanese reality TV show. They all lived in a house, being made to random tasks after which they had to cry. The tears were collected in a test tube. After a week, the person with the most ml of tears won a big cash prize. My puddles ha the diameter of a £2 coin. I missed my calling. I don't know how long I cried or stroked the back of my head. I spoke to her for 90 minutes but it felt like 5.

England depresses me so much. What if I go there and she doesn't leave him? How weak, trusting and foolish I would feel. My brain says no but my heart says go. The problem is. I have this amazing feeling for her but I couldn't describe to anyone why I like her. Is this a good or bad thing? The feeling is real but is it based in any reality.

Sometimes now during the day I almost start to cry for no reason. Riding on the bus. Walking down the street. Anywhere. Perhaps it was a slef-fulfilling prophecy that all those false starts would rush out.

When I woke up the next day I felt stupid.

The last 2 times i've been wankered (part 1)

I quit writing about my life.
Seemed egotisical.
Not a creative enough outlet.
Maybe it's helpful for me though.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday - 3 days ago

Attended a jazz festival on an island outside of Seoul. I remember being interviewed by some university students with a video camera.

'Do you like jazz?'
"Not really."
"How is Korean jazz different from the rest of the world."
'Well...it's got Koreans in it... The biggest difference is probably that if you stand really close then it's loud but the further away you get from the music it gets quieter. If you put your fingers in your ears then you can't hear it at all."

Filming their perplexed faces would have been the more choice scoop.

This was my fifth interview in Korea so I felt it was my prerogative to be a crusty knob on camera. Twice it was the same interview a year apart. Regarding Korean girls and if they have a bad reputation for being too easy. We were given 2 instructions before: Be funny and swear.

Fisrt question: "Do you think Korean girls have a bad reputation?"
'No! They have a great reputation.
"Oh, Really? Why?"
'Because they're easy.'

We'd booked tickets for 6 am the next day. As soon as the last night train had left I started to feel trapped and get panicky. 2 months ago I was incredibly gregarious, confident and every moment was a fun time for me. This night I started to feel shy and disconnected from everything. There is truth in wine. Peoples' true essense is revealed through alcohol. Belligerent, violent, stupid, funny, happy. Usually when I am really drunk I just get an extra happy boost. I on't go around hugging strangers or telling the people I care about that I love them. I don't get overly sensitive to arguments nor compliments. Basically, i'm the same. This time was different, like the old, dark days that I thought had been conquered. It's been so long since I 'ran away' from the people I was socialising with. Picked up my bag, didn't say bye, just that I was going for a smoke. Wandered down unknown streets, managed to find a bus back to Seoul. While I was on the bus I realised that my mental state had been reduced to zero. Every time I build myself up, eventually it always gets back to this place. So, what was the point in trying to change? I decided I should throw my phone away, pack my bag and go to China. Cancel all my e-mail addresses and never communicate with anyone I know again. The rest of my life would be spent accumulating friends for a period of a few months, then dumping them and just keep moving.

When I woke up the next day I felt stupid.