80% of my problems are other people

I've got five problems in my life.
Four of them are women.

Number 1: The affair girl who moved to England.
My heart feels so clamped. I imagine it cowering behind my rib cage. Squeezed. Like a child too young to care for a pet squishing their hamster until the eyes are popping out. I look into my mind and I feel like i'd give up almost everything to be her, except my pride of moving to England with the possibility of her not coming to me. Too painful to write in depth about her.

Number 2: The Mexican girl.

Seduction that will lead to our mutual destruction. She hates white guys and I have no time for western girls. Our connection was so strong that we broke down those barriers. Both of us are the type of person who would proudly say something like, "It feels good to break the rules, even your own." I'm really drawn to her. When I get close I need to escape. Can't unleash these feelings.

We play games with each other. She says she's become addicted to me and wants to be my girlfriend. Our personalities are volatile. Get bored with things quickly. I believe we're both used to treating people in that way but are scared that the other will do it to us!

Her Spanish poems translated into English could make most people want to quit creativity.

Just today she sent me something on MSN. I thought it was some old world's mythology trying to explain things they couldn't comprehend. Turned out she was looking at a picture she had drawn and this is what she thought when she looked at it. Purely stream of consciousness.

ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
hey
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
this girl
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
found the sun hidding
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
behind a tree
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
she took a bite
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
and hate it the taste
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
so she grabbed it and took it home
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
to hide it. so the sun doesnt spread its funky taste
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
the sun bitched about the moon though
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
cause it was pretty mad that the moon was still standing
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
the girl didnt know there was a moon
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
clouds were conspiring with the moon to hid her
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
but the sun pointed where the moon was
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
she also bit the moon
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
but let her stand
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
she got madly upset with the sun. that was a bitchy way to behave.
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
she grounded it.
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
forever to be her personal flashlight
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
every now and then she takes a little bite from the sun again.. juts to make sure she wa right about the taste
ärbeit macht frëi :: satang :: says:
and she should know.. she hates candy taste



Number 3: The Busan girl.

Her heart is so pure and kind. She goes to university but teachers water colour painting at a school. Her body is incredible. She's korean but she has breasts and back whilst being thin. She wants to go to art galleries in Seoul as well as cook me Korean food. I had a great time in the love motel with her. Perhaps she has this worrying Korean trait of falling in love really quicly. I only met her twice and she said "I really like you, maybe love you." "I just want to make you happy." In the club she was introducing me to people as her boyfriend.

Number 4: The couchsufing girl

Was looking on the website to make some new random friends. I liked her profile because she talked about having a photography exhibition at university. When we met for the first time it was a 7 hour meeting of pure talk. Felt so close and comfortable with her. She travelled to Europe alone, which is a bigger thing for a Korean to do than a westerner. She is funny, thought provoking. At first she wasn't attractive to me. Then we left one bar and she looked into my eyes and this smile came from nowehre that lit up her face. The more I talked to her she became better looking.

She interviewed me for her university project on couch surfing so I met her 4 days after the first time. Again we spent a long time together, 5 hours of talking. She drove me home on her scooter. Sometimes it felt as if she was my best friend! Weird feeling.

The next day she rang me when drunk.
"I know you don't want to talk on the phone but can I ask you something? will you be my boyfriend? Let's skip the getting to know each other really well and just do it."

I was impressed and equally taken aback. I had been thinking about the possibility with her but I have these 3 options now in Korea. I don't wanna accept someone, then cheta on them but equally I don't wanna give up the opportunities. 3 of them together become an amalgamation of what I want from a girlfriend.

Still, the affair girl affected me more than I had realised. If she was here I would go to her without hesitation.