The last 2 times i've been wankered (part 1)

I quit writing about my life.
Seemed egotisical.
Not a creative enough outlet.
Maybe it's helpful for me though.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday - 3 days ago

Attended a jazz festival on an island outside of Seoul. I remember being interviewed by some university students with a video camera.

'Do you like jazz?'
"Not really."
"How is Korean jazz different from the rest of the world."
'Well...it's got Koreans in it... The biggest difference is probably that if you stand really close then it's loud but the further away you get from the music it gets quieter. If you put your fingers in your ears then you can't hear it at all."

Filming their perplexed faces would have been the more choice scoop.

This was my fifth interview in Korea so I felt it was my prerogative to be a crusty knob on camera. Twice it was the same interview a year apart. Regarding Korean girls and if they have a bad reputation for being too easy. We were given 2 instructions before: Be funny and swear.

Fisrt question: "Do you think Korean girls have a bad reputation?"
'No! They have a great reputation.
"Oh, Really? Why?"
'Because they're easy.'

We'd booked tickets for 6 am the next day. As soon as the last night train had left I started to feel trapped and get panicky. 2 months ago I was incredibly gregarious, confident and every moment was a fun time for me. This night I started to feel shy and disconnected from everything. There is truth in wine. Peoples' true essense is revealed through alcohol. Belligerent, violent, stupid, funny, happy. Usually when I am really drunk I just get an extra happy boost. I on't go around hugging strangers or telling the people I care about that I love them. I don't get overly sensitive to arguments nor compliments. Basically, i'm the same. This time was different, like the old, dark days that I thought had been conquered. It's been so long since I 'ran away' from the people I was socialising with. Picked up my bag, didn't say bye, just that I was going for a smoke. Wandered down unknown streets, managed to find a bus back to Seoul. While I was on the bus I realised that my mental state had been reduced to zero. Every time I build myself up, eventually it always gets back to this place. So, what was the point in trying to change? I decided I should throw my phone away, pack my bag and go to China. Cancel all my e-mail addresses and never communicate with anyone I know again. The rest of my life would be spent accumulating friends for a period of a few months, then dumping them and just keep moving.

When I woke up the next day I felt stupid.