No, I'm Alan Partridge!

My school temporarily moved me to a love motel. It's a place where young people -who invariably live with their parents until they marry- go to practice baby making. Extra-marital affairs also take place. This one is a classy affair. There are no mirrors on the ceiling, no red lights and there isn't a window allowing you to monitor people's peculiar toilet habits from the bedroom.

The room is cleaned daily. It's as if I have secret parents who are anal about hygiene. There's no down side to these parents because I never have to see them, look at their ageing faces or listen to their blithering ramblings.